A month has gone by now since I last blogged. January having 31 days is classed as one of longer months, but even so I ask myself where did the time go? And more importantly did I accomplish what I set out to do?
The passing of a year and the beginning of a new one is a time when most of us take stock in one way or another. It is a wise move for us to periodically review our lives and January always seems a good month to make changes. Sadly however… most of us don’t know how to take stock, many simply see the changes we want to make, but fail to 
analyse why we struggle in making those changes. In other words we see the goal, the result we want to achieve for our lives, but do nothing about removing the roadblocks that stand in the way of achieving our desired changes. The result usually ends up in failure. Armed with our best intention and fired up willpower we set out to make changes then after a few days, or weeks of trying, we revert back to doing what we have always consistantly done. A viscious circle that leaves us feeling worse than ever!
Why is this?
Well one answer is that our brains like having rituals. The mind has difficulty coping with chaos. It likes to resolve things and store them away neatly in the organised data banks of our subconscious, so that we can get on with our day without having to ‘think’ about the detail and live life on ‘automatic’. The human brain loves to create patterns of behaviours that respond to certain triggers or cues.
Let’s face it, ‘it is ‘safe’ sticking with the familiar’. Anything out of ‘usual’ throws us into the realm of uncertainty – the unpredictable, where we are unsure as to what happens next or what is expected of us. This creates an anxiety which feels unpleasant and uncomfortable. Far better to slip back into the predictable… ‘better the devil you know…etc’.
So how do we change a behaviour we don’t like… such as smoking…
Especially if we’ve been caught in its ugly trap for many years?
The answer is to start at the beginning. Even before that first thought you have about wanting to light up.
That’s right… go back to what is the feeling or thought you have before you think about smoking. Find out all the things that trigger you to smoke… and there will be quite a few of them!
Ever been in a room full of people and one person starts to yawn and then someone else, and others yawn, and then you feel the need to yawn?
Seriously, though, you never had the urge to yawn until someone else started it, and now the whole room is yawning.
Well smoking is just like that. Something reminds you to smoke. It can be a feeling, a person, a task – just about anything! It could be a colleague getting up from their desk to go outside, you know they are going for a cigarette, or you’re halfway through a meal, and there is a natural pause between dinner and desert, or a friend lights up and don’t you just need a cigarette…
Our brains need cues to start of a routine behaviour or habit. So start looking for yours. Keep a journal and note down what you think and feel just before you feel the need to smoke.
Secondly cues (or triggers) are always associated with a reward. We all have two powerful emotional drivers… one is to run from pain, the other is to run towards pleasure. Rewards are nice. They give us a pleasurable feeling. Maybe a feeling of comfort or being accepted, a feeling of being in control. It’s the reward you are after which causes you to smoke.
So the next step is to discover what reward it is you are after. The thoughts and feelings that are in your cues give you clues to what it is you really need or want.
The key to quitting smoking, or changing any habit for that matter, lies in the reward. What is it that you really want?
That first cigarette of the day for example… what do you really need first thing? Maybe you feel a little anxious about the day ahead, and believe that you will feel more able to cope if you have a cigarette, or maybe you feel low and believe cigarette will make you feel better, will cheer you up. The truth is that you are looking in the wrong place. In reality, smoking does not relieve anxiety in fact the reverse is true as nicotine increases the heartbeat and raises blood sugar, thereby increasing physical stress. And when you come down from that, about 20 minutes later, you go again to the wrong place to get the good feeling again. And so it goes on!
What if… you decided to meet that need of anxiety or depression by doing something else. Something positive that will really help. What a reward that would be! How about asking yourself what you could do that would help you feel less anxious other than smoking. Maybe do some light exercises, or go for walk. Or singalong to some music as you get ready for work. It’s amazing what 5 minutes meditation can do to lift your spirit.
Instead of turning towards cigarettes to give you pleasure as you run away from the pain of anxiety, depression or boredom, run instead towards something that will reward you with longer lasting feelings of pleasure.
Breaking the habit of smoking is a process… it doesn’t happen overnight. But by looking at what triggers you to smoke and what reward you are really seeking and finding that in an alternative positive behaviour, you will find that gradually you will train your mind with new healthy routines. You will feel stronger and more able to resist the pull of nicotine and after a few weeks will feel much more in control. Cigarettes are just a mask. Look behind them and find out how you really want to feel and do something else that will meet that need.
Next time before you want to light up, ask yourself what triggered it? And ask yourself what it is that you want.
Until the next time,
Success and Happiness
